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I died: Dec 2014- Sept 2017. Resurrection time?

the-2Bresurrection-2Bof-2BjesusDisclaimer: This is not an exhaustive list of events, but just THE most monumental moments in the time buckets mentioned below:

Dec 2014- April 2015:

  1. I made a new friend in the gym. Lets call her Ms Sassy. It all started over black coffee, and to this date, she continues to be one of the most important friends I have. Our family members are also friends with each other now. We both take all the credit for this camaraderie.
  2. Got an interview call for an MBA course from one of the most prestigious B-schools in India. Did not crack it.
  3. Ended up accepting the MBA offer from a not very prestigious school. Almost did not want to join it- was hating myself for even considering it- but thanks to that gym friend of mine- she coaxed me everyday to not let go of the opportunity, lest I get “arrange” married and kill myself within a couple of years of getting married. Because #lifesucks.

May 2015- April 2016:

  1. Spent an year outside India, MBA-ing, travelling to places such as Dubai, Singapore, Malaysia, Sydeny, Melbourne. It was nice. Really nice.  I was never at peace- not even for a moment. Always worried about my future, my career, and my life in general. But continued partying nonetheless. Because life is a party, right?
  2. The college was not all that bad – some professors were absolutely amazing. Met some good intelligent people. Some entrepreneurial folks.
  3. Became close friends with 4 people. We were 5 in total – 3 girls, 2 boys. Movie fanatics, superhero nerds, and Netflix addicts. 1 boy dated 1 girl in the group for 4 months. After they broke up, the same boy dated the other girl in the group for the remaining months- they both are married now. It was a weird time- how two women who were close friends agreed for the same guy to fuck them, while living in the same apartment 😀 😀 Still creepy. But all is well that ends well- marriage is good right.

May 2016- Jan 2017:

  1. Came to Mumbai to start my fresh new job post MBA. Good stuff.
  2. Travelled to Chile (Exotic alert!!), on a company paid business trip- my first trip across the Atlantic. I was very elated, a little proud, and wanted to get a tattoo to commemorate the trip. Did not happen.
  3. Smoked pot EVERYDAY. For 5 months. Weekdays- 2 Joints. Weekends- 4 to 5.
  4. Travelled a lot across Mumbai. In cabs. Local train has evaded me till date
  5. Became very close friends with my apartment-mate in Mumbai. She was a clinical psychologist and I opened up to her like I had never opened up to anyone else. Afterall I was not one of those rape, hallucination or schizophrenia cases she dealt with everyday.
  6. She herself suffered from acute depression, and was on medication for the same. Everytime she missed her medication for over a week, she would get weird fits of anger and scream at her boyfriend, blaming him for things that never happened. She would hallucinate and imagine things in her head and blackout. I saw it all happen in my apartment. I thought I would be able to help, but no- I ended being a victim of her rage (though she would apologise profusely later).
  7. GRAND break-up of a 5 year old relationship finally happened. It was long time coming and it was TERRIBLE mess. I was a mess. And I started falling into a vortex of depression. It was a disaster, a scary time.
  8. What did I do to compensate for it? TINDER :D. Tinder was good, in bits and pieces. I met so many men. Slept with a couple, love did not happen- even once. Some men were weird, some came too quick, some were bohhringg. Just a couple were actually intelligent and nice.
  9. Me and the depression stuck clinical psychologist fell out. She decided to block me from her phone, social media etc- because I had swiped right for a guy, whom the third apartment-mate had already met off Tinder and was madly in love with (the guy had vanished after a couple of nights and she was visibly depressed for many days after that). LOLOLOL. The psychologist banged her door on my face and said this is how one day I will steal her boyfriend and I cannot be trusted. Ummmm.
  10. All in all it was a bad bad bad time. I was doubting every single move I made. Every single decision I took. I was judging myself for meeting random men. Trying to figure out what is it that I am looking for- stability? companionship? or mere makeouts?I was the weakest, and the most broken in those times.
  11. Witnessed the first wedding in my close knit family. That shook me. I was scared if I would ever find that one person to settle down with.

Feb 2017- till date:

  1. Moved out of the aforementioned apartment. Left the freaky apartment-mates and freaky stories of that cursed bedroom of mine.
  2. A dear friend flew down from Delhi to Mumbai, and stayed with me for a couple of days. I broke down. Sobbed in front of her, and told her I was very very unhappy with my life. I wanted a partner. I wanted to love someone, and get loved in return. Pure uninhibited love. Maybe get married to this person whom I fall in love with. But I had no starting point.
  3. We went out dancing, she clicked a picture of me, made me create a profile on an Indian Matrimony website, and put that picture up.
  4. I got to talking to this one guy off this website on 9th of March
  5. Rest of the saga for another post- for now, I am getting married to this guy in February 2018. You are invited 😉

 

 

 

The Court of Queen Z.

She woke up in the morning and screamed!! Squirming with disgust at the sight of my sideboob peeking through my negligible night suit, she hastily covered me up with a sheet and screamed some more. Meanwhile, my eyes half shut, I squealed and rolled with laughter, gave her my twisted hand expression and said,”So what!!”

Miss Z and I had chosen to sleep together on one king size bed, despite having about 4 beds in the house. And this decision was taken on the very first day that we moved in together (with a third roommate, who later moved out). Now that I think about it, maybe she slept by my side because the TV was at my bedside! We had been friends through the three years of college life, and were now going to start working in the same organisation. But neither of us had anticipated that the coming two years were going to add upto the weirdest, nudest, funniest and just the best times of our lives.

All this while that I have been writing about people who made a difference to me, it took me the longest to come up with apt words and descriptions that could do justice to the breed that was Ms. Z. She is one of a kind- loving, caring, concerned, a great listener (weird, self-centered, selfish) and a best friend beyond words. There is so much history related to her, I don’t even know where to start from!

Okay so let’s rewind about 6 years. We met and became friends as we joined the same college, the same course, and stayed in the same boarding house outside of college campus. We both were products of the school hostel life and connected instantly on several levels. I started feeling I had found a good friend in her, when suddenly she decided to move out of the boarding house we used to share. And move out where? The on-campus hostel room that was initially offered to me, and I had refused because I was too reluctant to leave the “good friends” that I had made! I could not believe it when she told me she was moving out. Back then I was too emotional a creature and even the most trivial matters could take an emotional toll on me. It took me a long time to get over that “back stabbing” act of hers and she would always tell a sheepish “sorry” everytime we met in or outside the college campus.

However as time progressed, our friendship continued to build it’s base. We would often go out shopping together, attend birthday parties, meet each others’ friends, visit cafes and eat our favorite pastas or momos together. This one time as we returned

Deep throated hiccupy giggle, that would ascend into a loud, manic, teary laughter! And then no one could stop her before she ended up in a drooling mess. EIther you stopped her before that ascend began, or you waited till the storm passed.

I saved this draft 3 years back. I must have intended to finish it at some point in time. Also Ms Z, as one of my closest friends, considered it her birth right to pester me into writing a post dedicated to her. The blog died in November 2014, and as you can only imagine (or maybe not) life has come A LONG LONG WAY. WOW. It’s bloody insane.

Ms Z is married. Got married in July 2016. I attended her wedding – a 4 day affair. We smoked, smoked up, drank ( I was incharge of making sure that Ms Z had a can of coke, filled with alcohol, while she got her makeup done under the relentless scrutiny of a bazillion relatives!) and had a supremely merry time. The guy she married- is nice. The family is nice. It is an arranged marriage- strange as a concept, but turns out it works.

She is happy. Reasonably happy. Not ecstatic with joy. Just fine. We exchange whatsapp messages often, and talk over the phone once in a month- everytime wishing really hard that we could spend some more time together- chilling, partying, watching sitcoms, Grey’s Anatomy and do nothing but lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling in hot Delhi summers.

We are growing up. I have grown up quite a bit too you know. I hope I write more often after this 3 year gap, and about all that went down during this time. I never believed bloggers when they told me how many blogs die a terrible death- I thought me and my blog were invicible. Clearly not.

How have you been? Fill me in if any of you old followers happen to stumble across this post!

The Bliss of a Closed Chapter

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This is nice. My legs are stretched out into the balcony where the pleasant morning sun kisses my feet, which always remain so cold. As I type this, my eyes are squinted, but I feel nice. We always crave what is scarce- We crave sunshine in winters and snow in summers.

I have been blogging at erratic intervals of late. I attribute this to my increased need for procrastinating everything- I now even manage to procrastinate “thinking” if you know what I mean. Like I get a thought in my head- something that I need to think upon- I push that thought out and “think” that I shall “think” about it later. Inception ha!

I am filling up my B-school applications- something that shall be a constant for the next 2 months I guess. However what’s new is that my brother is coming back home on his winter break on Sunday. He is almost 9 years younger to me- not because my parents were bad family planners- rather they took family planning too literally. My sister was planned after I started going to school, so she is 4.5 years younger and then because Indian families somehow feel incomplete without a son, my brother was planned 4.5 years after my sister.

Anyway! I have an absolute gala time with my siblings. They love me for the fact that I am their “cool” elder sister, and I love them because- well I don’t have a choice 😛 . I take them out for lunches and dinners to these fancy places. My sister had her first alcoholic drink with me when she was 18 (and my brother though underage, also had his first sip of alcohol from my glass 😛 ). I don’t want to be one of those uptight elders who bury their heads in sand and assume that their younger siblings or offsprings won’t try these things. Teenagers and youngsters are inherently inquisitive and they shall try everything how much ever you police them morally. Whether they choose to continue with these things is their decision, and that’s where probably the elders can guide them. Restrictions and threats need to take a back seat.

I also tell my siblings that they should try new things if they feel like, but should take care of their safety and do things in moderation. And then of course they have an advantage that I never had- they have an elder sister (aka me!) whom they can confide into and I can take care of their problems. When I was in college, whenever I had to take a night out with friends, or go for a bagpacking trip, I always used to tell my parents a lie, and I did not feel great about it. Once or twice that I asked their permission, they denied outright. So I always encourage my sister who is in college 2nd year, to keep me in loop with her plans so that god forbid if something were to go wrong I am able to help. I also now counsel my parents constantly into understanding the needs of college kids- not just academic and stationary needs, but their “needs” of travelling and partying and doing things that shall make their college life memorable.

This warm sunshine is making me talk (write) a lot.

I was talking to my mom today about how 25 years of marriage with someone is such a milestone. My parents have their silver jubilee on 31st January, and they are a really sorted couple. They are a blob now- they have their tea early morning, go for a walk, go to the office together, discuss family, friends, foes, and are headed for a lifetime of growing old together. They do love each other and find comfort in each other. However, my mom became really emotional recalling her early days of marriage. Arranged marriages are funny you know. The couple is supposed to fall in love after the marriage, and if suppose these two people never really get along for life, they still stay with each other – for families’ sake, for kids’ sake, for the sake of honor and respect.

So my mom and dad had their share of rocky days early in their marriage. Both them are highly educated individuals and my mom was also an active part of the National School of Drama in her maiden days. She was active in theater and sports and studies (and had an elder brother which is why “guy friends” were not a taboo), whereas my dad (who had no real sister and was always a strict disciplinarian) was an outright geek from IIT-Delhi who got married while pursuing his PhD in Applied Physics. After my parents got married, what my dad could not wrap his head around was, the fact that my mom had a lot of “guy” friends- respectable male members of the society who were a part of the theater society in NSD. He apparently once asked my mom about a “piece of paper” he found in her stuff that had people’s birthdays written on it, and some of them were guys! The devoted wife that my mother is- she not only severed all contacts with males from her school and college days but also did not look back at theater or acting because of my dad’s anguish over the matter.

Today my dad has two glorious daughters and still he has a really tough time accepting the fact that we do have friends of the opposite gender. (Note that dating is of-course entirely out of the question. It’s India alright. We cry arrange marriage). Now whenever dad lectures me over the need and importance of arranged marriage, he always says, ‘Your mother has been so humble, and utterly faithful to me. She stood by me through thick and thin and not once gave me a chance to doubt her conviction even slightly. She is the perfect example of a great lady who stands by her man.’

My father understands the sacrifices my mother made to be his faithful wife. But I guess that’s how the traditional system of marriages in this country works. It’s the fundamental duty of the man to relentlessly demand a sacrifice and it’s the fundamental duty of the woman to make that sacrifice.

As I type this I just recalled another incident that my mom told me long back. She had enacted the part of Juliet in Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” and had won the award for Best Actress that evening. She had a picture from that evening collecting the award with her co-actor- Romeo. She had many pictures from the theater days. Those pictures and memories caused so much trouble in the early days of my parents’ marriage that my mom burnt the entire album. Just one or two pictures remain now.

Well, those days were bliss. And these days are bliss. Strange but true.

Stories of our lives, their lives..

P.s. : Procrastination max. I typed this post in the morning. And I deferred posting it till evening. Yay. Duh.

Knock Knock!

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WordPress updated its interface once again! It’s hard to deal with changes, even if they are tiny. Changes are annoying nay?

Wow!

It’s been a long time, isn’t it? Or you did not even notice (and bother) that I haven’t blogged for over a month. Well, precisely 1month 3days. I generally do not take people or their advises seriously, specially if those advises are given to me in a docile, humanely manner. Funnily enough, if someone who cares for my well being, screams at me, or scorns me for my foolishness and advises me to behave myself in the future to save myself embarrassment, I tend to ponder over it later and try to work upon it.

So when I took an unannounced leave from my blog, I did think for a while, if I should update you guys who follow or read my blog occasionally about my upcoming break. Then I remembered a post by OM that I had read long back. In that post he had jotted down a few annoying habits of bloggers, and scorned those foolish bloggers who constantly keep telling readers about their unplanned “hiatus”. He made it clear in that post that no one actually cares whether you blog or not. Because you are no Paulo Coelho that people wait for your next book or Steven Speilberg that anyone looks forward to your next movie! You are just another lameass blogger in this huge wide world full of 20 million bloggers. That was a random number. (While reading that post I literally felt like a pupil learning the do’s and don’ts of blogging.) OM’s blunt advice affected me deep down my subconscious and hence I decided not to announce my disappearance.

I guess all this explanation has already killed half of you trying to read this blog post.

Moving ON! Care for updates anyone? 😀 Well. I hear a faint cry from the universe saying “Na-aah” but I shall turn a deaf ear to the universe’s cry and blabber on.

So Exam is done. Was on the 13th of October.(Remember? The reason I started this blog? The more I procrastinated studying for the exam, the more I blogged). I am glad that stupid exam is done with and gone. FUCK. 14th October to 17th October I made it a point to drink and smoke weed and get sloshed to my maximum capacity. I also missed a date on the calendar, because I drank and smoked weed with my friends for 12 hours straight, and woke up the day after. I must say it was beautiful.

I also met some long lost friends, and I partied a good deal. A week after exam well spent.

We had the one of the biggest North Indian festivals- Diwali- on 23rd October. The entire Diwali week was well spent too. All my cousins are absolute fun to chill with. And because most of them are still in college, they are whack ass crazy. And hence, the entire Diwali week, we again spent drinking, smoking, smoking up and snorting stuff. (I did not snort anything, but who is stop these college kids. Of course our parents were oblivious to our smoking up parties.). I also met NASA’s real twin brother for an hour in my hometown, during the Diwali week. The meeting was just alright.

October ended on a high note of my determination to start applying to colleges for my Post Grad. Shortlisting colleges, deadlines, essays, recommendations, and MORE ESSAYS. IT NEEDS SO MUCH PATIENCE. #deepbreaths.

1st November I joined the gym. Oh yes and that gym is freaking awesome. I am loving it. I get to see some hot females and males. The gym trainers are very professional and hot and know the important technicalities of weight exercises. The gym also has a Jacuzzi and steam bath and all those jazzy things. I haven’t used any of the facilities yet, except the machines and weights.

I had missed out on watching so many shows and movies. And I had missed out on reading books. Because of that stupid exam, which gave me blue balls. So now am watching three shows simultaneously- Entourage, Californication, and The Sopranos ( I had seen season 1 of all the three). I have finished watching Sherlock (WOW!! 2016 seems too FAR now!) and Orange is the New Black (the show constantly reminds me of Tempest‘s featured post on wordpress. Whatte Show!!). I have been watching some old movies (because I dig vintage). Listening to and downloading some old songs and some new songs. I’m also reading 2 books simultaneously – Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden (I know it’s too late. I should have read it earlier. But better late than never. I also know it’s a movie, but I always prefer the book over a movie.) and Memories Of My Melancholy Whores by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Both the books are just surreal. I get transported to another land while reading them.

NASA- my darling boy is coming to India on 6th December. For a month. I am both scared and happy. Happy because OF COURSE I shall get to meet him and spend time with him. Scared, because he shall leave again for The States on 24th December and won’t come back for a year. The mere thought is heart-ripping… I don’t want to even imagine how I would cope up with his departure.. so let’s focus on the happy part. He is coming. Expect more updates on that.

And today is 15th November. There is a nip in the air already. The temperature dips in the night, while days are still not very cold. Days are rather warm. I absolutely love winters. The feel of soft wool, warm sunshine, a warm cup of coffee, and a good book- Pure Bliss!

I am filling out my applications forms. And after I am done writing this, I shall go and eat my chicken subway.

P.S. – I must say, that just one concerned soul who cares enough for my writing (or has free time on Sunday afternoons), called me and asked me why was I not making any blog entries. That reassured me that sometimes, some people, do care for your shit.

P.P.S– I  hope I will blog regularly from now on. Afterall we do need the community support in our down times, which happen to lurk around the corner and bolt at us just when everything seems peaceful and perfect.

The Monk Who Did Not Sell His Ferrari.

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In the fall of 2013 I visited Ladakh, which is located in the northernmost state of the Indian subcontinent – Jammu and Kashmir. It was a 10 day road trip, and one of the most surreal, and exhilarating experiences I have had in my traveling resume. The trip affected me in ways I had never anticipated. I felt a plethora of emotions in the span of 10 days- I felt enthralled, excited, unreal, angry, dejected, sad, happy- and that’s funny right? Reasons for visiting a place or travelling could vary for different people, and for me the purpose of traveling has always been to explore my own self. Of course seeing a new place (or even visiting a favorite destination again) is an added perk, but when I travel, I always tend to reflect upon the trivial matters that seem to be of utmost importance to us in our daily lives. Why did I feel bad when he said this? Why did I cry when she left? Why does this friendship makes me so happy? How important is it to be in love? Will you stay forever or leave? I am so happy today, will I be as happy always? Why do I think of all these things? Stop pondering over past, stop worrying for the future, live in the moment. I wish I could live in these mountains forever, admist these scented forests. Mountains are so mysterious. I should attempt mountaineering some day. Yeah that was a sample of my vague thoughts while I travel and gaze out of the vehicle window. That’s how I pass my transit time – by reflecting upon all the heavy stuff. 😛

MAJOR digression happened there. Coming back to the Ladakh trip. I managed to click some decent pictures on the trip, and this one below is one of my favorites-

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Clicked inside the premises of Thiksey Monastery (which is perched atop a mountain, and makes a fantastic long distance shot. A picture in this previous post), this picture intrigues me. The “cool” printed tee shirt this young monk wore in lieu of the traditional yellow inner robe underneath his habit, caught my attention as he walked past us. This modern day monk continued to gaze at me and my friends as he trudged all the way up the ascending roadway. I chuckled inside my head, wondering what he must be thinking of while peering at us. Does he like my camera? Does he like my black aviators? Does he find me pretty? ( 😛 ) Are we making too much noise? (We weren’t just by the way). Does he wish he were a tourist like us? Or he thinks of us as foolish hooligans who don’t understand the higher purpose of existence?

He looked at us all along until we were out of his line of vision. And I know he was thinking something. I am just not sure what it was.

To give up a Ferrari is not all that easy afterall.

WTF Is Writer’s Block??

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There is a term that bloggers often use to explain their absence from the blogging platform or for churning out uninspired (according to their self defined parameters of “inspiration”) posts – The Writer’s block (or for amateurs “Blogger’s” block. Duh. They have definitions for everything! Why?)

I have more often than not come across several such blogs where even novice authors complain of suffering from a writer’s block and at the same time those very authors have often written a LONG POST defining their own LIMITATION ON WHAT they SHALL WRITE ABOUT. Isn’t that a bloody paradox in itself you moron!? If you are going to list down “20,000 Topics on which I shall NEVER write, because you want to be “Absolutely Original” or you are “Too niche an author” to be indulging in any sort of literary debauchery or you just want to “Stand out among a bunch of absolutely foolish bloggers“, haven’t you created a mothereffing IMMOVABLE mountain of a block for yourself??

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Because John had a list of what he NEVER wanted on his gravestone. And others were too dumb to be “Original and Creative”. Don’t be John.

Trust me, if you are going to list down topics on which you are surely not going to write about in your “precious” blog, even when in real life you are just the same common booger-picking, food spilling, snort-laughing idiotic fool like the rest of us “common bloggers”, you are often going to suffer from this hypothetical block. And this is not even a block. It’s your need to exude a snobbish facade, and your need to prove to everyone you can be the best and the most different writer/blogger (whatever). Get over it man!

Get over your block. Start writing about things you THINK you would NEVER even spit on(because even your spit is more precious than those topics. Did I kill that joke? Was it even a joke?). For example- How to pick ticks from your dog’s fur and clean its asshole. Or how to roll your booger into a smooth ball (I am obsessed with boogers?), Or how to fail majestically at a recipe, Or how to spot lettuce in your crap (am still writing that book.). Choose your own pick. And you can pick from the cheesiest, mushiest, stupidest and the most foolish topics you can think of. Use cuss words, use pictures, GIFs. Who’s stopping you except for your own uptight ass self? Post pictures of stupid things. Post Music. Post Love. Post Horror. Post ANYTHING. Really. And see that writer’s block whimper off in shame and not come back for a long long time (almost ever after).

You with the writer’s block- are the one who shall judge me or someone else for posting a crappy post (like this one and all my previous ones as well)- and you are no judge alright. You should not even judge your ownself for posting whatever YOU feel like on your “precious” blog. Isn’t life too short to be restrained? And wasn’t blogging meant to let yourself be free? Why put down a list of things you WOULD NEVER write about. Make a list of “LISTS I WOULD NEVER MAKE” and one of the pointers should be “LIST OF REASONS WHY I JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE’S WRITINGS AND MY OWN”. It will help your wretched soul. Trust me.

Live and let live. And Live free. Don’t dog leash your blog to the sadist in you.

P.s. : Happy Independence Day. (Not in my Country. In your fucking mind.)

Top Inspiration: The Grumpy Cat

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This is going to be the most non-creative and probably a very annoying post for those of you who look for niche reading in the “blogosphere” (I find this word funny). But I visited this blog today Wheres my xanaxand as I was going through her “About Me” page I was pleasantly reminded of the guiding light of this era- The Grumpy Cat. I used to love those grumpy cat memes but since the past few months I had lost my touch with them.

So today I decided to dig the Google treasurebox for some grumpy cat awesomeness, and the results were hilarious. I was sitting on my table and laughing loudly enough to attract suspicious looks from my dad. And it was a laughter that came from within the abdomen, the uncontrollable kind of laughter, because I could connect with these memes on such a deep level. I wonder if I were a cat, would I be equally grumpy? 😀 Who’s to know? Here is some crappy happiness in the grumpy awful (awesome) world of THE GRUMPY CAT:

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Yup. True Story.

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Stop being over cute all the time. Do something else. Like Die?

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Hahaha. #speechless. #truth

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Let the grumps rule.

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So much for the “Life gives you lemons, make lemonade” analogies bitch.

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I stay in a bloody hot country already. Give it up.

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Hahaha. #speechlessagain. #storyoftheblogworld.

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LOSER!!

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Dayum! Truth be told I do!

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Just shut up. You’re not even funny.

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That’s exactly what you want to tell me right now if you bothered to scroll down this post. 😀

Aren’t this memes just plain HILARIOUS!! No?? Go get medication, because you’re too uptight an ass alright! (Or too old to be funny 😛 )

And just a minor disclaimer- I am not a grumpy person (generally) but I do have my days. Also, I have absolute love and respect for the almighty Grumpy Cat.

Have a happy (grumpy) mid week day. 😛