GYAK: Get your ass kicked.

FML

Okay. I do belong to the generation that has technology on its tips, social media in its butt and abbreviations in a thesaurus. But one still comes across many a people from my generation saying they feel “old” or “technically challenged” or “social media unfriendly”. I see this trend growing among the 20-somethings, the trend to call themselves “I am so weird“, or “Omygod, I already feel so old“. This has (funnily enough) become the cool thing to do/be. But trust me you 20-something, you are not the only weird one out there. There are many more people like you, and that by the virtue of it, makes you just another common person! Congratulations! You belong to the Commoners.

Now that I have justified and made it clear, that I am not here to feel cool, or prove that I am “weird”, I shall have to say that this entire “Text” lingo annoys me. First of all, it’s only since the advent of nauseating number of apps, that I became texting friendly (I somehow still don’t understand why BBM had to launch it’s app on the android platform. And then why everyone downloaded it, when they were already hogging on WhatsApp. And why did they not buy a BlackBerry in the first place. And WTF people?). I am more of a “Caller” and if I am genuinely concerned about someone, I shall prefer giving them a call. However, even if I use texting as a medium, (except for the occasional U and r) I never start a conversation with “Hw r u?” or text my boyfriend “I luv u”. NO! I feel that using this language totally strips the question/emotion of it’s essence. If you text me “Hw r u?“, I shall have the following two thoughts: “Fuck you. Like you really wanna know.” and “Get some grammar lessons please.”

That is I guess just the tip of the iceberg. Matters for me start getting worse when I come across these abbreviations that I have never heard of, despite being pretty active on the internet. Last year (I was new to chatting stuff) one of my friends replied to my questions saying “IDK“. Being the know-it-all bastard that I want to be, I tried making some sense out of “IDK”, but finally gave up, and asked my friend what it meant. She hollered with laughter (on the chat, with the help of “Smileys”) and said she couldn’t believe I had no clue what “IDK” meant. Well, it meant “I don’t know“. That made me realize I should go on the internet and learn some basic chat abbreviations.

I YouTubed some videos teaching chat lingo. I got acquainted with stuff like BRB (for the longest time I used to think BRB meant “Burp”), FML, STFU, GTFO, and many more. BUT. Just when I thought I had done a pretty good job of educating myself, I came across this on the Facebook Wall of one of my friends: “Heyyyy! HBD! GBU!“. I swear by all heavens, I just could not make any sense out of that cryptic statement. After I read the statement about 20 times, and scrolled further down that Facebook wall, I realized it was my friend’s birthday and that obnoxious statement meant “Heyyyy! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! GOD BLESS YOU”. This is totally beyond me. Why do people do this? Listen if you don’t want to wish me- DON’T WISH ME. Don’t put up this annoying, grammatically challenged wish on my social media please! I have a reputation to retain.

Well. Once I had advanced to the next level on my chat lingo education (after the HBD and GBU debacle), I thought I was prepared to take on the world. I had realized that absolutely anything could be abbreviated to anyshit. And in the past two days this Divine Understanding has proven to be a bliss.

The other day I was reading a humorous post by another blogger, and she had used the abbreviation “IRL“. Now folks. I pondered over that word for 5 minutes. I read the text before and after it in order to derive a reasonable full form– and since the post related to her narrating an incident from her real life, I concluded “IRL” must mean “In Real Life“. Right? I don’t know. That’s what I thought. It made sense to me. (10 points for me if I am correct)

And today, as I scrolled down my WhatsApp contacts list (Ya ok, my BlackBerry broke sometime ago. Though I had WhatsApp in that too along with the “Legit” BBM), I saw one of my friends had put up a display picture with her dad, and her status read “GWS Daddy 😦 😦 “. Again. People. Let’s hold hands and observe a minute of silence for this butchery of words and emotions. First of all, I AGAIN could not understand for the longest time what GWS stood for. I thought maybe her dad was about to join a firm called GWS, and she didn’t want him to join it. Or GWS was some kind of a latest gadget that she wanted to buy, and was conveying her desire via the WhatsApp status. After cracking my brain over it for a considerable amount of time- a flash of light hit me! It meant “GET WELL SOON DADDY“!! What in the friggin’ hell man! Really? Is that all the time you got for your ill dad? Does he not deserve the full form in your status? Is he worth just an abbreviation? How cruel.

Well. I am still stumped at the usage of a few chat abbreviations, that others seem to think are totally normal and treat me like I am an outcast for not knowing these basic facts. What are you supposed to do WEIAA!!!??

P.s. :WEIAA- “When everything is an abbreviation”. You didn’t know this?? WTF? GTFO. SO OLD. Also, the other day a friend used “LU, MU” as she ended the chat conversation. REALLY? If you love me and miss me- fucking use the full form will ya?!